It has been year(s) since my last post. Alhamdulillah it was great for me; even without sharing almost anything with anyone online/offline I felt "complete".
What makes me want to write tonight is tomorrow is 2 Jan. Its the start of the brand new year. I was scheduled to send Rayyan for class of 5 years and Kauthar for class of 3 years. Yes, both of them are starting school this year.
What bothers me tonight is; i have this mixed feelings. I cant stop thinking of how happy i am Kauthar has a 'place' at the school but at the same time; i am sad because i am loosing a "friend".
My, my most of you must not know what my schedule was like since I've gone MIA for more den a year in this so called blogging world.
I have been sending Rayyan to this wonderful school that requires me to leave the house at 715am and to stay/ wandering ard the area up to 1pm as the travelling time and distance is quiet far from home. I will only reach home somewhere around 2-3pm.
Kauthar has been my BFF ever since jz because there was not a spot for her at the school. And because of the distance, i have decides to "postponed" all the plans I have for me. So i have this "to-do list" when all my kids are at skool. And i was supposedly to be happy that I can finally "execute" them but it turns out that there are more to life than "me".
I thought I was being there for Kauthar but the truth is she was the one who was being there for me. She is my friend while Rayyan was at school. We had great conversations. About almost everything. I know she doesn't understand me but it is a relief talking about "things" to someone. We shopped together. Even so it was just buying a candy but it was so much fun. Kauthar will always choose the pink ones; or the prettiest ones or the one heart shapes candy. Its really is amazing how a small creatures makes you felt so great .
I spent so many hours in the car with Kauthar. We talk, we sing, we fight on which Disney cartoon to watch on. I do enjoy listening to Sofia the first while driving. She sometimes wants to watch Barney and I seriously dun get it why kids love Barney so much. We share snacks; she loves eating hard boiled egg. And she always will says "Kauthar eat white ones and mommy eats yellow ones". And she will always share her food with me; one for Kauthar and one for mommy. Even if she doesn't want to share the way she hides her food/ candy is so funny and never fails to make me smile.
Owh i wonder what tomorrow is like. Id definitely has no one to share just about anything. I will have to window shop all by myself; I wonder if i have the courage to even eat breakfast by myself. I wonder if she remembers me at school; with all the new friends shell be having, Owh, how time flies. Today she is in kindergarten and tomorrow shell be in elementary and the next thing u know shell be in university. I never had this feeling sending Rayyan off to school. That is because I have Kauthar. I always have Kauthar. I am never without Kauthar. Even she is leaving for half a day; to a kindergarten what more, she is my life. I felt as if I'm letting go a part of my life.
I wonder if there are other mothers that has this kind of feeling. I wonder if Id have the same feeling if I'm a working mother. I wonder if I am that smothering mother that cant even letgo of her child to kindergarten. I wonder what my life is like tomorrow.
Great NEWS I got a text saying skool will only starts next monday..... phewww